When the Mess of Anxiety Takes Root in Your Heart

When the Mess of Anxiety Takes Root in Your Heart | Faith and Composition

It’s been two years now. Two years since I looked fear in the face and boarded a plane bound for the jungles of Belize. It was a rather innocuous week-long mission trip, but prior to our departure, I had been an anxious mess. I’d never been a worried traveler. My passport was marked with the stamps of England, Costa Rica, South Korea, Mexico, the Caribbean. But this time it was different. This time I was a mom.

Motherhood has a way of turning your heart inside out, your life upside down. My husband and I would be leaving our two children (I was pregnant with number three) with my own mom so we could serve for a week in Belize. And frankly, fear seized me at the very thought of the separation.

Anxiety and depression flooded my mind. A cacophony of what ifs echoed throughout my head. Darkness was my constant companion, peace was hopelessly elusive.

The journey leading up to our departure was a messy one. It was fraught with worry, punctuated by a few neurologist appointments, defined by two MRI scans. Because anxiety has a way of robbing peace from your soul and health from your body. You don’t merely hear worry reverberate through your thoughts, you feel it in your bones. 

When the Mess of Anxiety Takes Root in Your Heart | Faith and Composition

But God is the ultimate healer, and He promises a peace that passes understanding. In time, my spirit found rest in Him alone, and my physical symptoms slowly disappeared.

As my husband prepares to return to Belize this year, I’m thinking back on my journey through anxiety and the way The Lord led me through the battle. If you’ve ever struggled with anxiety yourself, or if you simply need to be reminded of the source of unsurpassing peace, you can read my six-part story, starting here.

And while we’re on the subject of anxiety, I’m excited to announce that I’ve just started working on a little e-book project, tentatively titled When Worries Cease. It’s in the beginning phases now, but I look forward to keeping you posted! And I sincerely hope and pray it will be a source of encouragement to all who read!

What’s your story? Have you struggled with anxiety more now that you’re a mom? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

Linking today’s post up with Lisa-Jo Baker for Five-Minute Friday.

Faith and Composition

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7 thoughts on “When the Mess of Anxiety Takes Root in Your Heart

  1. Vanessa

    Thank you for sharing. I’ve followed your story for a few months now & it has helped me so very much. I cant wait to read your upcoming e-book. I’m a mother of 3 & anxiety ruled me for over 13 years & grew in its power as each year passed. My own personal journey out of a life held tight in the grip of anxiety mirrors yours in so many ways. I, too found freedom in God. Falling toy knees begging for something. Something real. Something steadfast. Something that would overpower the anxiety & mess of a mind & heart it was leaving behind every day of my life. He met me where I was at & there’s really no other way I can explain it other than THE most comforting embrace I’ve ever felt upon me. Ever. Physically, emotionally, mentally…it was peace like I’ve never know before.
    Peace that I looked so many places for & could only hope for. I didn’t even know at the time..which was the lowest of all lows in my battle with anxiety what I was going to find when I began to seek just knew I was ready to surrender & just be known. Brings me to tears the love & grace He has revealed to me since that crippling time a year & a half ago when I finally called out that “my way” wasn’t working & I needed help so desperately. I find another breath of freedom each time I begin to struggle following down the path of my old mindset & instead turn to Him. Only Him. It’s a journey. I’m a work in progress. It’s a beautiful gift though & I am so grateful. Thank you again.

  2. Rebekah

    I have a terrible fear of leaving my children. Afraid of some terrible or fatal accident happening to them while they are in the care of another person and I cannot be there. I am a stay at home mom so I rarely leave them. I am actually supposed to go to Florida kid free with two close friends in a few weeks. I am sooooooooo excited! But also terrified! Praying for that peace from above.

  3. Caroline Hull

    I struggle with anxiety and depression and it’s completely magnified with my second baby. With my first, I was able to handle it really well, put it aside and enjoy my time with her. With the second, it’s been consuming. After my second was born, I would lay awake at night, terrified something was going to happen to them while I slept! Also, my anxiety just with the day to day things has been increased. I really think it’s this overwhelming sense of responsibility for other lives! A lot of prayer and understanding from my family is helping me deal with it. I’m starting to feel much better as my baby is entering her 6th month. Just being able to acknowledge when I’m having trouble and praying for peace has helped immensely.

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